i'm tired, sick to my stomach and keep fucking crying. i lost my temper on someone that i care about very much, and i'm afraid that she'll never want to be friends again.

it feels like all of my friends are slipping away, and there's nothing i can do to stop it. i've given up on sleep, and i don't eat much anymore. i don't like the thought of doing anything.

someone else, i promised not to tell, so by not naming names, i'm not technically telling, but someone very close to me broke their promise... again. it really hurt.

it seems like i'm always crying anymore. the funny thing is that no one notices. it's kinda neat. i could get away with anything, and no one would notice. except for Martin, but that's cuz he would be my accomplice.

i seem to spend more and more time away from home. i am never here except to MAYBE eat something, sleep, and take care of my puppy, Riley. between work, Martin, and school, i don't have any time... ever.

i actually had time to watch TWO movies tonight! i watched this really, REALLY stupid SciFi about this bioengineered girl who defects. it was from the mid- to late- 70's maybe early 80-'s. then i watched the Last Samurai, which is pretty good.

i'm so sick of being such a fuck up. i always the ones i care for most, and i really don't mean to. maybe they will forgive me one day, but i guess i will just have to find out.

anyways, i'm gonna take a shower, and TRY to get some sleep tonight. not likely. oh well, don't tell Martin, lol.